wait just a second now it's not all that bad, are we not having fun?
when will madao bloom?
#that just shouldn't happen
#a little child shouldn't ask that question
#shouldn't ever think of it
#but look at natsume
#he is so alone
#no one believes in him no one understands him
#the other kids are so cruel and his relatives never care enough
#he is so used to being treated like he is a burden
#like he isn't worth it
#he can't even believe that someone might be interested in him as a person
#he immediately thinks that she must be bored and isn't interested in him beyond a means of passing the time
#i can't get over how sad it is for someone to think like that
#and the reality that it is natsume - who never turns his back on people despite everything
#who helped someone that used to bully him even after he called him a liar again
#it's just so sad it made me cry
#that simple question says so much about his childhood
#and reveals how unwanted he feels
#just think how much he had to suffer to begin thinking like that to believe that he is and will never be wanted or welcomed
#he doesn't deserve it
#he deserves the world but he still feels unwelcome enough to ask that question
#seriously that three words killed me
#argh
#i'm so happy that he has friends and family that make him feel home now
#he doesn't have to suffer anymore
#but still
#that was his childhood that other people ruined
#look how reserved he is now
#how uncertain he is of other people even though he knows they love him
#that kind of thoughts was with him for so long he still can't help but do everything alone in fear of disturbing others
#i want him to be able to share everything with his friends
